After being in town for a week, we finally got in to see the doctors at the clinic. It took the whole day to get through the process of starting my treatment. It starts with a lengthy interview by a doctor that literally starts my case profile from ground zero. Lots and lots of questions covering every single detail about my tumor, cancer, and treatment I have had up to this point. This doctor then leaves the room, and presents this case profile to the head doctor, Burzynski.
Another part of the day was a panel interview with three doctors: one of them is the one that runs the clinical trial that I need to join. Another one is Burzynski himself... then of course there is also the doctor that did the initial interview. Here we learn that must get an FDA waiver in order to get admitted to the clinical trial. This is possible if enough people reading this blog contact their Congress person and request a variance in my name. Without getting this waiver I can still get treated at the clinic, however I would not get into the clinical trial that I can across the country to join. click this linkand search for the appropriate congressperson for your zip code.
Antineoplaston therapy is the clinical trial that I need approval for. Please everybody, participate and spend 5 min. calling, e-mailing, or texting your congressperson so that I can get this waiver. It is absolutely my best hope to erase this cancerous tumor from my brain and put this ugly nightmare long behind Lorraine and I for good
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
we may be leaving for Texas
We're printing up on my Kaiser lab results and packing a bag for Houston. It's a very long drive of course, but I'm not sure I could fly in my current condition. We can rent a new car for a few hundred dollars to travel with, and praise be to Jesus that we will have safe passage all the way there and back. We have a lot of things (Medical records) to print and bring with us, and fortunately some friends have offered a temporary apartment to stay in my we are there. If we need to, we could buy a cheap car that would last a few weeks and save us the dollars required to rent a car for a month at a time. Big-time road trip coming up! This will be literally a life-altering journey and for myself it will be a life- preserving journey, Lord willing.
The thought of any complications on this trip is terrifying, whether we drive or fly. For several reasons, I believe that driving will be easier for me than flying. Please pray for our safe travel to and from Houston,as it will be a long trip. We will be there for a few weeks, and neither of us has ever been there before so this will be interesting!
In order to make this trip, I need to tell Kaiser I am stopping my treatments. This is scary in itself, as it automatically triggers the hospice program with Kaiser health insurance. When you discontinue treatment, you're on your own. I don't really know what to make of that. What I do know however is that I want to have a different course of treatment than radiation and chemotherapy. I do not know much about the treatment offered at the clinic in Houston, other than its success rate being so much better than conventional medicine. It does seem to me like an intelligent choice, and that is what we have agreed to do.
We have had an enormous outpouring of help from new friends in Texas through my network of Corvette lovers. This has been so touching, it's amazing. It looks like we will not only have a place to stay in Houston but a vehicle available to us if we need it!! How's that for exciting?
The thought of any complications on this trip is terrifying, whether we drive or fly. For several reasons, I believe that driving will be easier for me than flying. Please pray for our safe travel to and from Houston,as it will be a long trip. We will be there for a few weeks, and neither of us has ever been there before so this will be interesting!
In order to make this trip, I need to tell Kaiser I am stopping my treatments. This is scary in itself, as it automatically triggers the hospice program with Kaiser health insurance. When you discontinue treatment, you're on your own. I don't really know what to make of that. What I do know however is that I want to have a different course of treatment than radiation and chemotherapy. I do not know much about the treatment offered at the clinic in Houston, other than its success rate being so much better than conventional medicine. It does seem to me like an intelligent choice, and that is what we have agreed to do.
We have had an enormous outpouring of help from new friends in Texas through my network of Corvette lovers. This has been so touching, it's amazing. It looks like we will not only have a place to stay in Houston but a vehicle available to us if we need it!! How's that for exciting?
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
healing prayer
"Heavenly Father, You are intimately aware of the struggle I am experiencing -- the pain and the despair. You know the desire of my heart to be healed of this illness. I ask now for Your healing touch. I know that You are able and that just like in Bible times, You can heal me.
"I also understand that You will choose what is best for me. I pray that through this trial, I will draw close to You -- that You will be my comfort and strength. I pray that ultimately, whatever happens, You will be glorified through me. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen."
"I also understand that You will choose what is best for me. I pray that through this trial, I will draw close to You -- that You will be my comfort and strength. I pray that ultimately, whatever happens, You will be glorified through me. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen."
Let the treatment begin!
This week on Wednesday, and scheduled to begin radiation and chemotherapy. As annoyed as I am that These are my only two options, there is nothing much I can do about it.
The AMA calls alternative medicine quackery, even when it has a terrific track record.
There is a clinic in Texas that has an absolutely terrific track record with not just cancer, but glioblastoma specifically. When I read the information and their success stories, I was ready to buy tickets to fly out immediately!
But no, once again the big arm of the government is where it should not be: the AMA refuses to let the clinic treat anybody who has not first had radiation and chemo ( the only two "approved" treatments for this kind of thing. In order to get treatments by a facility with an enormous track record in dealing with my specific type of tumor/cancer, I must first get the treatment that is approved by the government- whether it kills me or not. Radiation and chemotherapy have a very small success rate with glioblastoma cancers, yet I must endure them first... before I can get better treatment.Lorraine and I have spent an incredible amount of time in prayer, and have been led to that clinic for a reason!
We must however abide by AMA regulation and get radiation/chemo first even though it has a horrible track record. Please keep me in prayer as I endure "approved" treatment; I know people who have gone through radiation and chemo before, and nothing that I saw looked tolerable Now it is my turn, and I see no other choice before me.
Saturday afternoon, a few days ago, I had a seizure. That put me in the emergency room and now I am on drugs specifically designed to stop seizures. After just two days, though, I have a rash on my right arm. I know it is not sunburn. The only sun received has been 5 minutes between the car and hospital on Saturday, and I do not burn easily with my olive-colored Greek hide! Lorraine is on the telephone right now with Kaiser asking about the seizure medicine and the rash on my arm.
The AMA calls alternative medicine quackery, even when it has a terrific track record.
There is a clinic in Texas that has an absolutely terrific track record with not just cancer, but glioblastoma specifically. When I read the information and their success stories, I was ready to buy tickets to fly out immediately!
But no, once again the big arm of the government is where it should not be: the AMA refuses to let the clinic treat anybody who has not first had radiation and chemo ( the only two "approved" treatments for this kind of thing. In order to get treatments by a facility with an enormous track record in dealing with my specific type of tumor/cancer, I must first get the treatment that is approved by the government- whether it kills me or not. Radiation and chemotherapy have a very small success rate with glioblastoma cancers, yet I must endure them first... before I can get better treatment.Lorraine and I have spent an incredible amount of time in prayer, and have been led to that clinic for a reason!
We must however abide by AMA regulation and get radiation/chemo first even though it has a horrible track record. Please keep me in prayer as I endure "approved" treatment; I know people who have gone through radiation and chemo before, and nothing that I saw looked tolerable Now it is my turn, and I see no other choice before me.
Saturday afternoon, a few days ago, I had a seizure. That put me in the emergency room and now I am on drugs specifically designed to stop seizures. After just two days, though, I have a rash on my right arm. I know it is not sunburn. The only sun received has been 5 minutes between the car and hospital on Saturday, and I do not burn easily with my olive-colored Greek hide! Lorraine is on the telephone right now with Kaiser asking about the seizure medicine and the rash on my arm.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
final MRI before treatment starts next week
This morning I went in for yet another MRI. I think this is number six or maybe, lucky number seven! Next week I'm scheduled to start chemo and radiation therapies. Today was the last MRI image to be taken before those treatments commence. Since I have been drinking the tea prescribed by the Grand Master of ancient Qi Gong medicine for a couple of weeks, and no new symptoms have presented themselves and I am praying that this picture of my brain will show no more growth of the tumor.
I also know that many of you reading my blog here are praying for myself and Lorraine. Thank you for that! Because I have no new symptoms I am actually sure we'll see some progress and that the tumor's growth has been arrested. If I am wrong, and it is still growing, then I would be concerned… but for now I am very pleased to say there are no new symptoms at this point
That is not to say however that I have regained use of my left hand or that my left arm has gotten any stronger- it has not. But sometimes no news is good news, and that is how I am taking this current lack of new symptoms. I must remain positive as negative energy will only feed this tumor. My wife remains, and always will, such an incredible source of strength for me. All too often she is the only positive energy I feel during the course of the day. Needless to say, I still thank God for Lorraine every single day. Without her there is no way I could get through this without an in-home caregiver/therapist
My wife wears so many hats during the course of the day that it amazes me how positive she remains. Not to mention her uplifting smile! She always, always, always makes me feel good, even on bad days. I remain eternally grateful for the loving God that put Lorraine and I together and blessed this wonderful marriage with the love we enjoy together. I may have some physical challenges currently, but I know in my heart that I am blessed man to marry such a strong beautiful woman. Thank you Jesus!
I also know that many of you reading my blog here are praying for myself and Lorraine. Thank you for that! Because I have no new symptoms I am actually sure we'll see some progress and that the tumor's growth has been arrested. If I am wrong, and it is still growing, then I would be concerned… but for now I am very pleased to say there are no new symptoms at this point
That is not to say however that I have regained use of my left hand or that my left arm has gotten any stronger- it has not. But sometimes no news is good news, and that is how I am taking this current lack of new symptoms. I must remain positive as negative energy will only feed this tumor. My wife remains, and always will, such an incredible source of strength for me. All too often she is the only positive energy I feel during the course of the day. Needless to say, I still thank God for Lorraine every single day. Without her there is no way I could get through this without an in-home caregiver/therapist
My wife wears so many hats during the course of the day that it amazes me how positive she remains. Not to mention her uplifting smile! She always, always, always makes me feel good, even on bad days. I remain eternally grateful for the loving God that put Lorraine and I together and blessed this wonderful marriage with the love we enjoy together. I may have some physical challenges currently, but I know in my heart that I am blessed man to marry such a strong beautiful woman. Thank you Jesus!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
It is Thursday, June 2; yesterday we saw the oncologist for the first time. Her no-nonsense approach more or less took us to life and death matters within the first 2 minutes of our appointment. She clearly explained the different types of brain tumors, concluding with level IV glioblastoma – which is what I have – and explained that this is the fastest growing and most destructive of all brain cancers.
She spent some time looking through all of the MRI pictures and she also noted how fast the growth of this one is... The first MRI showed nothing, and in the second MRI it was barely a small spot. Subsequent pictures taken a month apart clearly show how fast this brain tumor and has grown. As expected, her solution is radiation and chemotherapy for extended periods of time. We were warned that during the treatment we need to be vigilant in watching for blood clots and/or swelling of any type on this left side of my body that does not currently move much.
Once again, I'm extremely grateful for my wife and her strength through all of this. Her devotion to me is clearly evident and never wavers. As much as the doctors try to scare us, Lorraine holds her composure and remains cheerful! Her love is just such an absolutely incredible blessing to me and I know that I have to thank God for it. This coming year will not be easy for either of us. I have been assured that as my cancer treatments commence I will get weaker and weaker. This is hard to imagine because my left side is so weak already.
We are in the process right now of trying to arrange another private healing session with Grand Master Fu. His Qi Gong healing methods are a product of 5000 years of ancient Chinese medicine. I have spoken of his methods on this blog in several other posts. Right now as I type, I am drinking this stinky tea that he prescribed for me last month!
This is yet one more way the Lorraine supports me so perfectly well; she cooks these Chinese herbs and makes the tea for me to drink every other day (each batch lasts two days) even though it makes the house smell horrible and it actually burns her eyes and throat as she cooks the herbs! The cool thing is that the remnants of the odor last at least a day after the tea has been cooked. This keeps all insects and critters out of our house!
In fact that pesky neighbors cat that used to poop our yard every other day no longer returns. So in addition to healing to my brain, this tea has other benefits! And if this was not enough fun, Lorraine has to scrub these stinky herbs out of the pot that she boils the tea in, and that is always tough to do. Not only is it stinky, but it's sticky! My taste buds are getting used to it however, and drinking the tea is no longer such a struggle. Please note carefully: I did not say this tea is tasting any better- just that I'm getting used to it!
All kidding aside, I know that I am in the fight for my life, absolutely literally. Once again, I thank God for Lorraine and the rest of my family being such a terrific support team. I don't know how somebody could get through this without a highly effective support mechanism and I will always be thankful for my friends and family.
All of you reading my blog that are praying for me, please note how much I appreciate it. Your prayer is not taken lightly by myself nor God. My complete faith in Him will get me through this. I trust that the Lord has put the right doctors and healers in front of me and He is allowing me to choose wisely my methods of treatment. Lorraine and I know full well the "natural course" of this disease. We are doing however, everything possible to arrest the cancer and keep me from being just another casualty to this insidious disease. I will not go down easy or without a fight. Lorraine gives me so much to live for- how can I possibly give up easily?
This six-month process of diagnosis, testing, and feeling like I have been put "on hold" is now complete and Western medicine treatment is about to commence. I just have to believe that the combination of this and Eastern medicine will remove this brain tumor and allow me to live out the rest of my life in comfort and happiness as I know God wants me to.
We have a beautiful, loving Lord who wants nothing but peace and happiness for us in good health. I know this brain tumor and the associated cancer is not of God, but the Enemy. I have been praying for God to use my body to once again prove that he is stronger than the Enemy. My house is God's house and there is no place for Satan in my home or my body, as much as he tries to scare me.
With God's grace and His miracle I will once again walk strong and tall. Thank you all for your prayers; please remember to pray for Lorraine also. This did not just happen to me has happened to both of us.
She spent some time looking through all of the MRI pictures and she also noted how fast the growth of this one is... The first MRI showed nothing, and in the second MRI it was barely a small spot. Subsequent pictures taken a month apart clearly show how fast this brain tumor and has grown. As expected, her solution is radiation and chemotherapy for extended periods of time. We were warned that during the treatment we need to be vigilant in watching for blood clots and/or swelling of any type on this left side of my body that does not currently move much.
Once again, I'm extremely grateful for my wife and her strength through all of this. Her devotion to me is clearly evident and never wavers. As much as the doctors try to scare us, Lorraine holds her composure and remains cheerful! Her love is just such an absolutely incredible blessing to me and I know that I have to thank God for it. This coming year will not be easy for either of us. I have been assured that as my cancer treatments commence I will get weaker and weaker. This is hard to imagine because my left side is so weak already.
We are in the process right now of trying to arrange another private healing session with Grand Master Fu. His Qi Gong healing methods are a product of 5000 years of ancient Chinese medicine. I have spoken of his methods on this blog in several other posts. Right now as I type, I am drinking this stinky tea that he prescribed for me last month!
This is yet one more way the Lorraine supports me so perfectly well; she cooks these Chinese herbs and makes the tea for me to drink every other day (each batch lasts two days) even though it makes the house smell horrible and it actually burns her eyes and throat as she cooks the herbs! The cool thing is that the remnants of the odor last at least a day after the tea has been cooked. This keeps all insects and critters out of our house!
In fact that pesky neighbors cat that used to poop our yard every other day no longer returns. So in addition to healing to my brain, this tea has other benefits! And if this was not enough fun, Lorraine has to scrub these stinky herbs out of the pot that she boils the tea in, and that is always tough to do. Not only is it stinky, but it's sticky! My taste buds are getting used to it however, and drinking the tea is no longer such a struggle. Please note carefully: I did not say this tea is tasting any better- just that I'm getting used to it!
All kidding aside, I know that I am in the fight for my life, absolutely literally. Once again, I thank God for Lorraine and the rest of my family being such a terrific support team. I don't know how somebody could get through this without a highly effective support mechanism and I will always be thankful for my friends and family.
All of you reading my blog that are praying for me, please note how much I appreciate it. Your prayer is not taken lightly by myself nor God. My complete faith in Him will get me through this. I trust that the Lord has put the right doctors and healers in front of me and He is allowing me to choose wisely my methods of treatment. Lorraine and I know full well the "natural course" of this disease. We are doing however, everything possible to arrest the cancer and keep me from being just another casualty to this insidious disease. I will not go down easy or without a fight. Lorraine gives me so much to live for- how can I possibly give up easily?
This six-month process of diagnosis, testing, and feeling like I have been put "on hold" is now complete and Western medicine treatment is about to commence. I just have to believe that the combination of this and Eastern medicine will remove this brain tumor and allow me to live out the rest of my life in comfort and happiness as I know God wants me to.
We have a beautiful, loving Lord who wants nothing but peace and happiness for us in good health. I know this brain tumor and the associated cancer is not of God, but the Enemy. I have been praying for God to use my body to once again prove that he is stronger than the Enemy. My house is God's house and there is no place for Satan in my home or my body, as much as he tries to scare me.
With God's grace and His miracle I will once again walk strong and tall. Thank you all for your prayers; please remember to pray for Lorraine also. This did not just happen to me has happened to both of us.
Monday, May 30, 2011
good times with friends and family
I'm extremely grateful and fortunate to have such a supportive family. My Sister Cathy
and brother-in-law came over Saturday and we went out to lunch. We had Greek food of course, and it was excellent! I don't know how people who are very ill could get through this type of thing without a loving family.
Very thankfully, I still able to get around fairly well. Lorraine and I use a wheelchair for me when we go places that will require me to walk more than just a few steps. Thank God she is strong, healthy, and willing to assist me in all the ways that she does!
Sunday evening we also had friends over and we watched "Independence Day" on Blu-ray disc. It was a great time shared with friends we have not seen in years. It was great to catch up with old friends and of course, they needed to be updated with my condition. We all had a good time watching the movie and sharing stories.
I have also continued my passion for astrophotography. While I cannot use my own equipment( it's not safe for me to walk around a telescope tripod using a cane in the dark!) at this time, fortunately there are telescopes that can be operated over the Internet when you rent time on them. GRAS stands for global rent a scope and this is a service that I subscribe to. While it is expensive to rent time on professional quality equipment located under pristine skies, this is the only way I can do it right now. These observatories have something I do not: very very dark skies. One picture I took this past week can be seen on this link
This is an object that I have taken pictures of before using my own telescope and camera equipment. The big difference as I said earlier, is the very dark skies available at the remote locations that GRAS has their observatories located.
I am very much looking forward to getting beyond this weak stage of my life and resuming these passions with full vigor and strength. I will walk tall once again, and it will regain use of my left hand. All things however happen in God's time and I am willing to wait.
and brother-in-law came over Saturday and we went out to lunch. We had Greek food of course, and it was excellent! I don't know how people who are very ill could get through this type of thing without a loving family.
Very thankfully, I still able to get around fairly well. Lorraine and I use a wheelchair for me when we go places that will require me to walk more than just a few steps. Thank God she is strong, healthy, and willing to assist me in all the ways that she does!
Sunday evening we also had friends over and we watched "Independence Day" on Blu-ray disc. It was a great time shared with friends we have not seen in years. It was great to catch up with old friends and of course, they needed to be updated with my condition. We all had a good time watching the movie and sharing stories.
I have also continued my passion for astrophotography. While I cannot use my own equipment( it's not safe for me to walk around a telescope tripod using a cane in the dark!) at this time, fortunately there are telescopes that can be operated over the Internet when you rent time on them. GRAS stands for global rent a scope and this is a service that I subscribe to. While it is expensive to rent time on professional quality equipment located under pristine skies, this is the only way I can do it right now. These observatories have something I do not: very very dark skies. One picture I took this past week can be seen on this link
This is an object that I have taken pictures of before using my own telescope and camera equipment. The big difference as I said earlier, is the very dark skies available at the remote locations that GRAS has their observatories located.
I am very much looking forward to getting beyond this weak stage of my life and resuming these passions with full vigor and strength. I will walk tall once again, and it will regain use of my left hand. All things however happen in God's time and I am willing to wait.
I've been drinking the tea now for a full week...
Plus a couple of days. I'm still alive and well; this stinky tea hasn't killed me yet! I am starting to notice some effects from the tea, and I'm sure they are the result of the increased blood flow to the brain that was promised by Grand Master Fu.
Late at night, if I wake up, I can actually hear noises in my head! At times it sounds like a factory full of busy workers all doing their individual jobs. It's hard to describe, but sometimes there really is a lot going on up there! The very first thing to recover was my voice. The muscles in my chest had become so weak that it was hard for me to speak in my normal voice; a lot of times there was little more than a whisper. If Lorraine and I were in a restaurant for instance, she would have to order for me because nobody could hear my voice. After a week of drinking the tea prescribed by Grand Master Fu my voice began to recover. Now it is much better.
I have now nine days in, drinking it three times a day as prescribed. The taste or smell have never gotten better or easier for me to accept. This does not matter to me however as I have chosen to accept the wisdom of ancient Chinese medicine and its healing powers ... I am literally betting my life on it. The first appointment with oncology is this coming week; although we know that the only treatment western medicine has in store for me is chemo and radiation. I am sure I will have to submit to these but I have no intention of discontinuing the Eastern medicine that has been proven over thousands of years. I consider it a way of "hedging my bets" by combining Eastern and Western medicine. The tumor has been diagnosed as a very aggressive type of cancer, a grade 4 glioblastoma. There is no time for me to take any chances. In the six months it took my doctors to diagnose this, it has been growing rapidly inside my brain in an inoperable area. Nobody knows what the future holds, but I'm going to fight for it with every fiber of my being.
Lorraine has been such an incredible source of strength and love, words can't describe how much she shows me her love and devotion every day. I know how lucky I am to have her, and I feel so blessed and fortunate that it makes me praise God every day for being so lucky!
Yes I know, I am very sick but the Lord makes you comfortable in a lot of ways if you pray to him. Prayer has become a terrific source of strength and solace to not only myself but Lorraine as well. I could swear you that one day last week the Lord actually spoke to me at a time when I was particularly frightened. He only said two words: "don't worry." Those two words He spoke to me has completely changed and enriched my life. When I get scared now, I just think of that day and remember the feeling. It's as if a blanket of peace was laid over me. There are no better words to describe this feeling. He is in control and we know it.
There are times in everybody's life when he or she has to acknowledge a higher power. Unfortunately for us humans, this often happens only after tragedy strikes or when a life is threatened. I have been a Christian for over 20 years but somehow never found the time to pray is much as we do now. I am ashamed to say that it took the Lord smacking me in the head, to knock some sense into it. I have completely committed my life to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I know He will allow me to be healed and make me strong once again. I have promised to serve Him better for the rest of my life and my faith tells me that He will make me strong enough to do so.
The Bible tells us that man "with faith the size of a mustard seed" will be healed if he asks. God knows what is in my heart, and that my faith is enormous- not just the size of a mustard seed. I know that through him all things are possible and it is for this reason that I pray every single day over and over again for him to heal my brain and allow my body to recover from this tumor. Only He can provide this type of miracle and when I am well, I will be better able to tell the world that Jesus is who I have to thank for my ability to walk tall and be strong once again.
God put these practitioners of Eastern medicine into my life for a reason. Grand Master Fu has been healing people since the age of 12 with his knowledge of ancient Chinese medicine. His grandfather lived his life with the Chinese Emperor, serving as his doctor/medicine man. Chinese medicine from centuries ago is in Grand Master Fu's blood; it's all he has ever known. There is absolutely no reason for me to distrust it or not believe they can heal me. The Lord would never have put this path before me if it was destructive. The Lord wants me to be healthy and happy. Thanks to lovely wife and I faith in God, I am an extremely happy man. Please pray with me that I may once again become healthy so that I can serve the Lord in ways that I cannot do now.
Late at night, if I wake up, I can actually hear noises in my head! At times it sounds like a factory full of busy workers all doing their individual jobs. It's hard to describe, but sometimes there really is a lot going on up there! The very first thing to recover was my voice. The muscles in my chest had become so weak that it was hard for me to speak in my normal voice; a lot of times there was little more than a whisper. If Lorraine and I were in a restaurant for instance, she would have to order for me because nobody could hear my voice. After a week of drinking the tea prescribed by Grand Master Fu my voice began to recover. Now it is much better.
I have now nine days in, drinking it three times a day as prescribed. The taste or smell have never gotten better or easier for me to accept. This does not matter to me however as I have chosen to accept the wisdom of ancient Chinese medicine and its healing powers ... I am literally betting my life on it. The first appointment with oncology is this coming week; although we know that the only treatment western medicine has in store for me is chemo and radiation. I am sure I will have to submit to these but I have no intention of discontinuing the Eastern medicine that has been proven over thousands of years. I consider it a way of "hedging my bets" by combining Eastern and Western medicine. The tumor has been diagnosed as a very aggressive type of cancer, a grade 4 glioblastoma. There is no time for me to take any chances. In the six months it took my doctors to diagnose this, it has been growing rapidly inside my brain in an inoperable area. Nobody knows what the future holds, but I'm going to fight for it with every fiber of my being.
Lorraine has been such an incredible source of strength and love, words can't describe how much she shows me her love and devotion every day. I know how lucky I am to have her, and I feel so blessed and fortunate that it makes me praise God every day for being so lucky!
Yes I know, I am very sick but the Lord makes you comfortable in a lot of ways if you pray to him. Prayer has become a terrific source of strength and solace to not only myself but Lorraine as well. I could swear you that one day last week the Lord actually spoke to me at a time when I was particularly frightened. He only said two words: "don't worry." Those two words He spoke to me has completely changed and enriched my life. When I get scared now, I just think of that day and remember the feeling. It's as if a blanket of peace was laid over me. There are no better words to describe this feeling. He is in control and we know it.
There are times in everybody's life when he or she has to acknowledge a higher power. Unfortunately for us humans, this often happens only after tragedy strikes or when a life is threatened. I have been a Christian for over 20 years but somehow never found the time to pray is much as we do now. I am ashamed to say that it took the Lord smacking me in the head, to knock some sense into it. I have completely committed my life to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I know He will allow me to be healed and make me strong once again. I have promised to serve Him better for the rest of my life and my faith tells me that He will make me strong enough to do so.
The Bible tells us that man "with faith the size of a mustard seed" will be healed if he asks. God knows what is in my heart, and that my faith is enormous- not just the size of a mustard seed. I know that through him all things are possible and it is for this reason that I pray every single day over and over again for him to heal my brain and allow my body to recover from this tumor. Only He can provide this type of miracle and when I am well, I will be better able to tell the world that Jesus is who I have to thank for my ability to walk tall and be strong once again.
God put these practitioners of Eastern medicine into my life for a reason. Grand Master Fu has been healing people since the age of 12 with his knowledge of ancient Chinese medicine. His grandfather lived his life with the Chinese Emperor, serving as his doctor/medicine man. Chinese medicine from centuries ago is in Grand Master Fu's blood; it's all he has ever known. There is absolutely no reason for me to distrust it or not believe they can heal me. The Lord would never have put this path before me if it was destructive. The Lord wants me to be healthy and happy. Thanks to lovely wife and I faith in God, I am an extremely happy man. Please pray with me that I may once again become healthy so that I can serve the Lord in ways that I cannot do now.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
First batch of tea!
Well, last night after dinner, Lorraine made the first batch of Grand Master Fu's tea. I think the whole house smelled like rancid bat urine for a few hours. We allowed it to putrefy the refrigerator overnight, and this morning after breakfast I had my first cup.
Just when I thought I was done with it, is set down the coffee cup thinking it was empty. Imagine my surprise to see the intestine of a frog still hanging over the edge of the cup! I think dangling inside may have been small testicle but I'm not sure.
As gruesome as it was to drink, I just have to program my mind to remember that this tea is my friend. It was programmed for me and my needs – nobody else's. It will dissolve this tumor and allow me to become healthy again. So whatever it tastes like, or whatever body parts of which ever animals happen to be still inside the coffee cup when I'm done does not matter. All I need to do is drink is one cup of this tea a few times a day... And I can do that!
There are times in life when you have to concentrate on the end result, not the discomfort you feel at the time. This is definitely one of those times for me.
I met Grand Master Fu in person and had my healing session with him. There is absolutely no reason why I should not trust his judgment, his skills, or his prescription for tea. He is, after all, a Grand Master of of 5000 year old ancient Chinese medical tradition. His training cannot and should not be taken lightly, and I do not! I do not need to know how this tea works or what is in it anymore than I would need to understand chemotherapy and how radiation works on a tumor. What I need to know is that ancient Chinese medicine has cured thousands of people over just as many years. I firmly believe in this treatment and that God has put these people in my life for this reason. I may very well need to incorporate Western medicine in with this treatment – and if I do, so be it.
My faith in God and my love for my beautiful wife Lorraine will keep me strong. I will beat this brain tumor and I will not let it win. I will walk strong again, and I will move my hand again. There is no doubt. How long it will take does not matter to me as I have the will to win... And will do so!
Thank you all for giving me in your prayers. Feedback from my statements on this blog is always read and in fact encouraged! I need to know that you're reading my posts because some days it takes a lot for me to share my mind.
There's nothing like a life-threatening illness to turn your life upside down and really show you where priorities are. The things that you thought were important one day are simply unimportant the next. It may be hard to describe but that's the way I feel. Everything in my life has been completely moved over, shifted away, and my focus is completely on healing. My passion for tinkering on the Corvette and around the house has had to be put on the sideburner. My telescope equipment has to sit unused until I can use it again safely and without dropping any of the expensive parts.
That is particularly painful for me this time of year, as springtime is very nice weather for astronomy and taking pictures of far away galaxies which is what I love to do. I have to realize daily just how foolish it would be for me to be out in the dark walking around thousands of dollars worth of equipment when I can't even walk without a cane and I cannot use my left hand or arm. Soon enough these functions will be restored to me and I will be able to resume my hobbies and passions.
For right now, my concentration is on healing- and you are along for the ride!
-Paul Brustas
Just when I thought I was done with it, is set down the coffee cup thinking it was empty. Imagine my surprise to see the intestine of a frog still hanging over the edge of the cup! I think dangling inside may have been small testicle but I'm not sure.
As gruesome as it was to drink, I just have to program my mind to remember that this tea is my friend. It was programmed for me and my needs – nobody else's. It will dissolve this tumor and allow me to become healthy again. So whatever it tastes like, or whatever body parts of which ever animals happen to be still inside the coffee cup when I'm done does not matter. All I need to do is drink is one cup of this tea a few times a day... And I can do that!
There are times in life when you have to concentrate on the end result, not the discomfort you feel at the time. This is definitely one of those times for me.
I met Grand Master Fu in person and had my healing session with him. There is absolutely no reason why I should not trust his judgment, his skills, or his prescription for tea. He is, after all, a Grand Master of of 5000 year old ancient Chinese medical tradition. His training cannot and should not be taken lightly, and I do not! I do not need to know how this tea works or what is in it anymore than I would need to understand chemotherapy and how radiation works on a tumor. What I need to know is that ancient Chinese medicine has cured thousands of people over just as many years. I firmly believe in this treatment and that God has put these people in my life for this reason. I may very well need to incorporate Western medicine in with this treatment – and if I do, so be it.
My faith in God and my love for my beautiful wife Lorraine will keep me strong. I will beat this brain tumor and I will not let it win. I will walk strong again, and I will move my hand again. There is no doubt. How long it will take does not matter to me as I have the will to win... And will do so!
Thank you all for giving me in your prayers. Feedback from my statements on this blog is always read and in fact encouraged! I need to know that you're reading my posts because some days it takes a lot for me to share my mind.
There's nothing like a life-threatening illness to turn your life upside down and really show you where priorities are. The things that you thought were important one day are simply unimportant the next. It may be hard to describe but that's the way I feel. Everything in my life has been completely moved over, shifted away, and my focus is completely on healing. My passion for tinkering on the Corvette and around the house has had to be put on the sideburner. My telescope equipment has to sit unused until I can use it again safely and without dropping any of the expensive parts.
That is particularly painful for me this time of year, as springtime is very nice weather for astronomy and taking pictures of far away galaxies which is what I love to do. I have to realize daily just how foolish it would be for me to be out in the dark walking around thousands of dollars worth of equipment when I can't even walk without a cane and I cannot use my left hand or arm. Soon enough these functions will be restored to me and I will be able to resume my hobbies and passions.
For right now, my concentration is on healing- and you are along for the ride!
-Paul Brustas
Friday, May 20, 2011
Back home now - Let the treatment begin!
This is day two after the biopsy. I am home, feeling well.
Finally after six months, treatment can commence. Kaiser hospital has done hundreds of tests on me since January, actually December, the last of which was the biopsy done this week. Once the lab results come back they will finally start treating me!
Thank God I was healthy enough to live through all of this testing. In a managed healthcare system I can see now how folks die waiting for treatment. In the past six months I have had well over 100 blood tests, four different MRIs, several CT scans, (5) and of fortunes' worth of doctor visits. Yet the only treatment I have had is treatment I purchased outside of my healthcare policy. I have spent thousands of dollars in co-pays with Kaiser Hospital, and not be treated once for this tumor. That is disgusting! Not to mention that we chose to drive to UCLA medical center and visit the doctor up there. At least he confirmed Kaiser's diagnosis... So I think it was money well spent.
While waiting for Kaiser to get the lab results back from my brain biopsy, I will begin the herbal teas prescribed by Grand Master Fu. According to Wendy, the QiGONG acupuncturist/ therapist that we see, we had to wait until today to start this herbal tea.
The reason is that the tea formula has powerful things in it to not only destroy the tumor, but force the blood to move the tumor parts through my system. This could be perceived as a blood thinner, something you definitely do not want in your system when you are getting brain surgery. The very last thing you want is a brain bleed to because by inappropriate drugs. So for those reasons we have not even tried the tea one single time.
We do have though and this afternoon I'll give it a try. I have faith in God that Grand Master Fu and is ancient Eastern healing methods will be the closing salvo on this brain tumor so the Lorraine and I can put this chapter behind us completely forever.
Of course nobody knows what the future holds, but mark my words I am going to fight this tumor with everything I have until I am healthy again! My lovely wife Lorraine gives me so much to live for and keeps me so happy that all I want in life right now is to prolong it for a long time. I need to live a long happy life with Lorraine and give her all the things that she deserves.
Finally after six months, treatment can commence. Kaiser hospital has done hundreds of tests on me since January, actually December, the last of which was the biopsy done this week. Once the lab results come back they will finally start treating me!
Thank God I was healthy enough to live through all of this testing. In a managed healthcare system I can see now how folks die waiting for treatment. In the past six months I have had well over 100 blood tests, four different MRIs, several CT scans, (5) and of fortunes' worth of doctor visits. Yet the only treatment I have had is treatment I purchased outside of my healthcare policy. I have spent thousands of dollars in co-pays with Kaiser Hospital, and not be treated once for this tumor. That is disgusting! Not to mention that we chose to drive to UCLA medical center and visit the doctor up there. At least he confirmed Kaiser's diagnosis... So I think it was money well spent.
While waiting for Kaiser to get the lab results back from my brain biopsy, I will begin the herbal teas prescribed by Grand Master Fu. According to Wendy, the QiGONG acupuncturist/ therapist that we see, we had to wait until today to start this herbal tea.
The reason is that the tea formula has powerful things in it to not only destroy the tumor, but force the blood to move the tumor parts through my system. This could be perceived as a blood thinner, something you definitely do not want in your system when you are getting brain surgery. The very last thing you want is a brain bleed to because by inappropriate drugs. So for those reasons we have not even tried the tea one single time.
We do have though and this afternoon I'll give it a try. I have faith in God that Grand Master Fu and is ancient Eastern healing methods will be the closing salvo on this brain tumor so the Lorraine and I can put this chapter behind us completely forever.
Of course nobody knows what the future holds, but mark my words I am going to fight this tumor with everything I have until I am healthy again! My lovely wife Lorraine gives me so much to live for and keeps me so happy that all I want in life right now is to prolong it for a long time. I need to live a long happy life with Lorraine and give her all the things that she deserves.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Home from the biopsy surgery today
From all accounts, the biopsy surgery went okay. They got me in yesterday morning and performed the surgery without issues. My biggest fear was an increased deficit on my left side which was a definite possibility. Thankfully to the Lord, this did not happen. The Dr. got two different sections from the tumor which are now in pathology labs.
I did not suffer any further weakness due to the surgery!! I do have quite a bit more swelling of my left hand and foot,although Lorraine thinks it was just because the surgery. I have another treatment from Wendy scheduled tomorrow, and I look forward to it. Maybe she can reduce some of the swelling and it would be nice if she could help with the headaches that come from a brain biopsy.
That is all for now, I am tired and very busy lately. I am glad the surgery is behind us and pray for good results.
I did not suffer any further weakness due to the surgery!! I do have quite a bit more swelling of my left hand and foot,although Lorraine thinks it was just because the surgery. I have another treatment from Wendy scheduled tomorrow, and I look forward to it. Maybe she can reduce some of the swelling and it would be nice if she could help with the headaches that come from a brain biopsy.
That is all for now, I am tired and very busy lately. I am glad the surgery is behind us and pray for good results.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Weekly update
We are now in Mid – May 2011
After six months, I am still awaiting treatment for this tumor. The biopsy is scheduled for this coming Wednesday and, as frightened as I am of the process, I know it is necessary.
This has not been a bad week. My walk has been reasonably good, except for the days when my sense of balance was very far off. Most of my symptoms are basically status quo with little to no change in the past couple of weeks. I can still feel things with my left arm and hand, although sensory inputs are weaker than my right side. When I sleep, I leave my left arm and hand out from under the cover because I have a hard time moving it. Even though my bedroom is cool, my left arm never gets cold which is the way my right arm feels when I pull it from under the covers.
The only real pain I am in, is when my left hand cramps shut. The wrist gets swollen and very painful. It does that when I stretch my fingers too. I must continually exercise my left arm and hand if I ever want to use them again. It is very frustrating though, since all the movement has to come my other hand. I still cannot move my fingers or thumb on that side, much as I tried.
The therapist tells me to lay my fingers open and flat on a book, and lean on that side to put pressure on the hand. Lorraine holds my elbow up as I lean in this transfers the weight to my hand. They call this weight bearing and it is a consistent method of treatment among all the therapists I have seen. It is designed to keep the weak hand "in the game" so to speak, and minimize swelling.
I think the swelling is one of the reasons my left hand does not want to move the fingers- very often they look like little sausages and usually there is some swelling on the wrist as well. I pray everyday that God will restore function to my hand and arm; the arm is just as weak as the hand. My shoulder is getting stronger, and I can lift the arm a bit. I cannot however control it, so when I lift my left arm there's no telling where it will go!
I am confident that once I start taking me Chinese tea that is been prescribed for me, this tumor will start dissolve as Grand Master Fu has promised. I will let the Dr. do is biopsy so we really know what we're dealing with though. I have been assured that the Chinese tea will eliminate any kind of brain tumor and that is what I am praying for.
I thank God everyday for Lorraine and her strength through all of this. She is my rock! Day after day, all day long, she's there for me. She smiles, Makes Me Laugh, and forces a giggle out of me even when I do not feel well. Her strength and courage is incredible and I love her more every day. She is absolutely the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and she makes me very proud to be married to her every day.
I do still suffer from restless nights; last night for instance I could not go to sleep until after 3 AM. I tossed and turned from 1130 to almost 330; then said a prayer or two & the next thing I know it's 9 AM. I really wish I'd gotten up early enough to go to church today. I know I need more prayer in my life, though this has several weeks is been so hard to get up early morning that church has been omitted from the schedule unfortunately. We try to get to church on Friday nights too, but the weekly schedule, so full of doctors and therapy, makes it hard to add one more thing.
I know that I need to work harder, to either get up early on Sunday for church, or make sure Friday afternoon is clear so that we can get to church at 6 PM. This week,I had physical therapy Friday afternoon.
I am still talking into the computer using a microphone...thankfully I don't have to type all of this using one hand. The software, however is buggy and it drives me nuts that I need to keep making corrections. After six weeks of learning my voice this program should know me by now! But Dragon Naturally Speaking is the best voice-recognition software out there. My problem is that I am running out of breath very easily... so my voice changes as I go along. Also, my facial muscles are weak, left side, and sometimes I slur my words and sometimes I do not. So the software has a hard time keeping up with my voice changes.
That is all for now; I need to drink a cup of coffee and save my morning prayers.
After six months, I am still awaiting treatment for this tumor. The biopsy is scheduled for this coming Wednesday and, as frightened as I am of the process, I know it is necessary.
This has not been a bad week. My walk has been reasonably good, except for the days when my sense of balance was very far off. Most of my symptoms are basically status quo with little to no change in the past couple of weeks. I can still feel things with my left arm and hand, although sensory inputs are weaker than my right side. When I sleep, I leave my left arm and hand out from under the cover because I have a hard time moving it. Even though my bedroom is cool, my left arm never gets cold which is the way my right arm feels when I pull it from under the covers.
The only real pain I am in, is when my left hand cramps shut. The wrist gets swollen and very painful. It does that when I stretch my fingers too. I must continually exercise my left arm and hand if I ever want to use them again. It is very frustrating though, since all the movement has to come my other hand. I still cannot move my fingers or thumb on that side, much as I tried.
The therapist tells me to lay my fingers open and flat on a book, and lean on that side to put pressure on the hand. Lorraine holds my elbow up as I lean in this transfers the weight to my hand. They call this weight bearing and it is a consistent method of treatment among all the therapists I have seen. It is designed to keep the weak hand "in the game" so to speak, and minimize swelling.
I think the swelling is one of the reasons my left hand does not want to move the fingers- very often they look like little sausages and usually there is some swelling on the wrist as well. I pray everyday that God will restore function to my hand and arm; the arm is just as weak as the hand. My shoulder is getting stronger, and I can lift the arm a bit. I cannot however control it, so when I lift my left arm there's no telling where it will go!
I am confident that once I start taking me Chinese tea that is been prescribed for me, this tumor will start dissolve as Grand Master Fu has promised. I will let the Dr. do is biopsy so we really know what we're dealing with though. I have been assured that the Chinese tea will eliminate any kind of brain tumor and that is what I am praying for.
I thank God everyday for Lorraine and her strength through all of this. She is my rock! Day after day, all day long, she's there for me. She smiles, Makes Me Laugh, and forces a giggle out of me even when I do not feel well. Her strength and courage is incredible and I love her more every day. She is absolutely the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and she makes me very proud to be married to her every day.
I do still suffer from restless nights; last night for instance I could not go to sleep until after 3 AM. I tossed and turned from 1130 to almost 330; then said a prayer or two & the next thing I know it's 9 AM. I really wish I'd gotten up early enough to go to church today. I know I need more prayer in my life, though this has several weeks is been so hard to get up early morning that church has been omitted from the schedule unfortunately. We try to get to church on Friday nights too, but the weekly schedule, so full of doctors and therapy, makes it hard to add one more thing.
I know that I need to work harder, to either get up early on Sunday for church, or make sure Friday afternoon is clear so that we can get to church at 6 PM. This week,I had physical therapy Friday afternoon.
I am still talking into the computer using a microphone...thankfully I don't have to type all of this using one hand. The software, however is buggy and it drives me nuts that I need to keep making corrections. After six weeks of learning my voice this program should know me by now! But Dragon Naturally Speaking is the best voice-recognition software out there. My problem is that I am running out of breath very easily... so my voice changes as I go along. Also, my facial muscles are weak, left side, and sometimes I slur my words and sometimes I do not. So the software has a hard time keeping up with my voice changes.
That is all for now; I need to drink a cup of coffee and save my morning prayers.
Friday, May 13, 2011
the filling of the Chinese Herb prescription
The herbal tea prescription from Grand Master Fu was amazing! It was a full-page of Chinese characters, complete with the number of grams to weigh each one by. Wendy, the local therapist trained by the Grand Master, told us where in town to get this prescription filled.
We went to the Chinese Herb store and the friendly lady looked at the size of this prescription and raised your eyebrows, saying "wow, you have something special!" The prescription was for eight packets of herbs, enough to provide tea for 12 days. She promptly took out eight pie tins and lay them on the counter... Behind Her there is a whole wall of drawers, each full of different herbs. She weighed out carefully the required amount of each herb and, one by one, started filling these pie tins.
There was so much stuff that the process took her two hours to accomplish! We were fascinated and amazed that she could follow along with this long list, and put equal amounts in Each of these pie tins. Everything is so different from some board-certified pharmacy, where everything has to be perfectly clean and sterile. When one of the pie tins would overflow, she would promptly just sweep the product from the countertop back into the pie tin. I guess the assumption is that since you are going to boil this stuff anyway and make tea out of it, sterility is not important.
When she was done, each of these piles of herbs was placed into a plastic bag and sealed. For all this work, and almost 2 weeks worth of "medicine" the cost was only $150
Unfortunately I cannot start taking this stuff until after the biopsy next Wednesday but I am very anxious to do so!
We went to the Chinese Herb store and the friendly lady looked at the size of this prescription and raised your eyebrows, saying "wow, you have something special!" The prescription was for eight packets of herbs, enough to provide tea for 12 days. She promptly took out eight pie tins and lay them on the counter... Behind Her there is a whole wall of drawers, each full of different herbs. She weighed out carefully the required amount of each herb and, one by one, started filling these pie tins.
There was so much stuff that the process took her two hours to accomplish! We were fascinated and amazed that she could follow along with this long list, and put equal amounts in Each of these pie tins. Everything is so different from some board-certified pharmacy, where everything has to be perfectly clean and sterile. When one of the pie tins would overflow, she would promptly just sweep the product from the countertop back into the pie tin. I guess the assumption is that since you are going to boil this stuff anyway and make tea out of it, sterility is not important.
When she was done, each of these piles of herbs was placed into a plastic bag and sealed. For all this work, and almost 2 weeks worth of "medicine" the cost was only $150
Unfortunately I cannot start taking this stuff until after the biopsy next Wednesday but I am very anxious to do so!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
now this is one dedicated astronomer!!
This website says he traveled over 60,000 miles in one year to acquire all of the pictures that he assembled into this photograph!
As most of you reading my blog know, I am also an astronomer. I have nothing to share that is that extravagant, however many of my own works are published on My astrophotography website Named "Deep Sky Pixels"
I also have another hundred Astronomy-related pictures are so on an old website which you can reach by clicking here.
Unfortunately, since I've been sick I have not been able to add new pictures or data to my website- but I trust more will be coming in the future. I do have faith that I would get better and be able to resume the wonderful hobby of Astronomy.
As most of you reading my blog know, I am also an astronomer. I have nothing to share that is that extravagant, however many of my own works are published on My astrophotography website Named "Deep Sky Pixels"
I also have another hundred Astronomy-related pictures are so on an old website which you can reach by clicking here.
Unfortunately, since I've been sick I have not been able to add new pictures or data to my website- but I trust more will be coming in the future. I do have faith that I would get better and be able to resume the wonderful hobby of Astronomy.
surgery canceled
Apparently, I was given in accurate information about my diet before the surgery. I should have had the biopsy yesterday but when talking to them before the surgery, they asked what I had eaten that day. My wife and I were careful to follow the instructions we received last week yet they actually canceled my surgery yesterday because I had eaten too late in the day!
Frustrating!
They also called back later to tell me that the surgery has been postponed for a full week until next Wednesday. Until then, she warned me, not to take aspirin, painkillers, or anything that thins the blood.
This was completely new information that had not been said before. I had a week advance of the last scheduled appointment so why did they not tell me this before? I have been regularly taking ibuprofen for pain relief right up until the day before I was supposed to have this surgery. So I am to assume now, if I had the surgery yesterday I would've had a brain bleed as a result of taking the medicines I have been taking. MAN! who do you trust?
Frustrating!
They also called back later to tell me that the surgery has been postponed for a full week until next Wednesday. Until then, she warned me, not to take aspirin, painkillers, or anything that thins the blood.
This was completely new information that had not been said before. I had a week advance of the last scheduled appointment so why did they not tell me this before? I have been regularly taking ibuprofen for pain relief right up until the day before I was supposed to have this surgery. So I am to assume now, if I had the surgery yesterday I would've had a brain bleed as a result of taking the medicines I have been taking. MAN! who do you trust?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
